Epiphany 2010

Today is the 15th anniversary of my grandmother’s passing. This is the picture that was in the paper last year (I would say the photo was taken in the 1970’s). I was 14 when she passed. I was about to turn 15. Now 15 years later I am about to be 30. It feels like she just passed, and it feels like she passed a lifetime ago.
Ruby Helen Maxwell Jordan died too young, too unknown, too loved to have left me. I need her and I have cried for her until my heart is about to fall from my chest.
About 3 months ago I went to her resting place. I went to tell her about all the things that she had missed. She told me she knew everything that I had told her. I went to tell her that the pain of her absence was too much to bear. She told me to let go and have peace.
I find peace in knowing Grandma is still guiding my decisions, still coloring my judgments, still letting me know what being loved feels like.